That's Just Wrong, Part 1

I was flipping through the channels last night and saw that Comedy Central was about to roast Pamela Anderson.

Before the show, they ran a disclaimer that said that it was "intended for Mature Audiences only."

Merry Christmas!

 

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone!

The Mayans Were Wrong!

The world didn't end! Quickly, everyone, to the malls! Return your assault weapons, generators, and freeze dried foods, and buy Christmas presents!

Christmas Visitors to Bethlehem

(another classic from Y!360 ... hope everyone is enjoying the Christmas season!)

 

I was privileged a few years ago to walk through a room at work where some guys were having a conversation about the first Christmas. One of them had just asked something like, "Why was a woman nine months pregnant riding a donkey so far from home, with no place to stay?"

In those days the whole world was different. In Rome, Augustus Caesar had the power to turn the world upside down with a decree. This particular time, he decided that in order for people to be taxed properly they needed to return to their ancestral home to sign up for the census. Imagine if you lived in LA but your family had moved there from Philadelphia, and the President said you had to go back to Philadelphia this week; or that grandpa, long retired in sunny Florida, had to return to New York to sign some papers. I bet you can't remember a time when the President had that kind of authority. Caesar did. He was in Rome, and these people in the Middle East are flocking to Jerusalem, Bethlehem, or wherever they came from. Bethlehem, despite being called the "city of David," has never been a big city. Its name means "house of bread," which sounds inauspicious.

 

David, the former king of Israel, had his blood flowing through Joseph's veins. When you read Jesus' genealogy in the book of Matthew, this is the point. This is how the scepter passes down, from father to son, even if it is not the "natural" father.

(All the genealogy you're going to get today:

1. Both Mary and Joseph trace their roots to King David, and also beyond that to Abraham.

2. The Gospel of Luke contains the genealogy of Jesus' mother, Mary.

3. "Begat" means "became an ancestor of," generally the father of, but not necessarily.

By mentioning five women — Tamar, Ruth, Rahab, Bathsheba and Mary — Matthew's genealogy is unusual compared to those of the time, where women were not generally included at all; for example, the genealogy of Luke does not mention them. Generations may have been skipped for the sake of brevity, considering that some of the people involved may have known some of the principals discussed. With tongue in cheek, I usually say that Thurston Howell the first begat Thurston Howell the third. Of course, you already know that Thurston Howell Junior, or the second, would have been the latter's father, but I didn't need to tell you that.)

Anyway, as head of household Joseph was the one who had to return to the city of David, his ancestral home, to sign up to be taxed. His betrothed did not necessarily have to go with him, so that brings us back to the original question. What was Mary doing sticking out to there, riding a donkey so far from home with no place lined up to stay?

(For one thing, she wasn't necessarily riding a donkey. It only says that she went with Joseph. But the mode of transportation is unimportant.)

One possibility is that Joseph was simply watching out for Mary. I am a product of this age, so it hasn't been that long ago, that it was a source of shame to be an unwed mother. If Joseph left her back home alone in a small town like Nazareth, she might have had a rough time with relatives, acquaintances and people she didn't really know but were giving her the evil eye anyway. I would imagine when she got pregnant out of wedlock, she lost some friends and sometimes felt quite alone in the world. So Joseph took her with him. If she delivered the baby while they were traveling, surely they could find a midwife. If not, the two of them would figure out something. People have been having babies for years, in less developed countries than this, right?

Well, there is no record of a midwife, whether they found one or not, so they might have "figured it out" themselves. But no matter. The narrative continues to tell us there was no room at the inn. Bethlehem wasn't a tourist town with hotels on every corner, and even though Joseph's roots were there, he obviously didn't have family there that he could stay with. (Although there is some school of thought that they did stay with relatives, but the guest room was occupied.) So they probably stayed in a small cave where sheep, or maybe cattle, normally sought shelter from the weather; and when Jesus was born, they laid him in a feeding trough.

 

Meanwhile, there were shepherds out in the field, where they stayed to tend their sheep. These are some people who would be described as "rough around the edges." They were social outcasts, and probably didn't bathe as much as everybody else. But who was the first to get the message that the Messiah was born?

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.

An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

"Glory to God in the highest,

and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told."

That's right, these filthy, common people got the message before everybody else. They saw Jesus wrapped in swaddling cloths, which is a Jewish tradition. You take the baby's limbs and wrap them real tight, so it straightens them out. It is done as a sign that you want your child to grow upright, morally and spiritually; it's also supposed to be good for their posture. And despite what you see in so many nativity sets, they might have been the only witnesses. There was no Santa, no reindeer, no snowman. The wise men probably came weeks or months later. There were probably more than three, traveling by caravan, but brought three gifts that were recorded: Gold, because they recognized him as the true King of Israel; frankincense, a sweet-smelling incense . . . maybe because they had read Isaiah's prophecy that "nations will come to your light, and kings to your rising . . . They will bring gold and frankincense, and will bear good news. . . " (Isa. 60:3, 6); and myrrh, which was a perfume used in embalming. Yes, the Magi had read the scriptures, and knew what was in store for the King (see Daniel 9:24-27). According to John 19:39 he would be embalmed with this very perfume.

 

The Magi did supply one other thing that was crucial. On the way, they had stopped off at King Herod's. Herod was, to be charitable, not all in there. To be less charitable, he was insane. But they didn't know this, or maybe didn't care. They just figured that he was the most important guy in the region, so he should know: "Where is the TRUE King of Israel?" Herod was more than a little insulted ("alarmed," the Bible says), but remained cordial with the visiting dignitaries. He asked his advisors including a group of Jewish scribes, and they, having read the scriptures, knew he would be born in Bethlehem. So he pointed them on their way, and said "when you find him, let me know where he is so that I may go and worship him as well."

Worshipping another king was the LAST thing Herod wanted to do. And after the wise men had visited with the family, they were told in a dream to take another way home and not see Herod. (I imagine the guy creeped them out anyway, and they were glad for this direction.) When it took longer than Herod expected to hear from the magi, he got a group of cold-blooded killers together and sent them to Bethlehem and all surrounding areas to kill any infant aged two and under.

Meanwhile the angel of the Lord had appeared to Joseph in a dream and said,

"Get up, take the child and his mother and flee to Egypt, and stay there until I tell you, for Herod is going to look for the child to kill him." Then he got up, took the child and his mother during the night, and went to Egypt. He stayed there until Herod died. In this way what was spoken by the Lord through the prophet was fulfilled: "I called my Son out of Egypt."

Fleeing to Egypt only made sense. There was a road headed south to get there, and heading north would have meant a trip through Jerusalem, where Herod and all of his minions were. So, as you can see, Jesus started his life on the run. Joseph spent a great deal of time protecting him by running from place to place, even having to wait out the death of a local ruler.

Article from Bible.org on the birth of Christ (some of it may sound familiar)

A pictorial Christmas story

 

Smiles All Around :)

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
—Psalm 118:24

I've got a smile for everyone I meet,
Long as you don't try dragging my bay
Or dropping a bomb on my street.
—Middle of the Road, the Pretenders


So who says committing Bible verses to memory is hard? I thought the second one was easy to remember, but the first one has got to be easier.

I'm one of THOSE people. The kind that gets up in a good mood, a smile on my face, that Psalm verse in my head, singing in the shower (if you can call that singing) and when somebody tells me to have a nice day I think "I already am!" I've got a smile for everybody, which probably causes some of them to think I'm simple or something, not that it bothers me any.


It's easy for me to smile all the time. The obviousness aside, I know my place in life. Some people are big wheels. Some are small cogs in a big machine. I'm happy being the spot of grease that makes things run a little easier. Like I said, I smile at strangers on the street, (and some of them really need that!), open doors, and do small things that make people's day a little easier, maybe a little better. You'll never find my name in the news, and I prefer it that way. There are a lot of us in the world, and some day you're having it rough, try to remember one of them.

Some Amusing Thoughts

1. Save the whales. Collect them, and trade them with your friends!

2. A day without sunshine is like . . . night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

5. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

7. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

18. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

19. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines

20. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

21. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

22. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

23. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

24. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

The picture at the top is a sunrise at Mather Point, Grand Canyon, from trekearth.com

Fruitcake Recipe

It's never too early ... Or too late!! ... For this fruitcake.

Christmas Fruitcake

1 c water               1 tsp. baking soda
1 c sugar                1 c brown sugar
4 large eggs            2 Tbsp. lemon juice
2 c dried fruit         2 c chopped nuts
1 tsp. salt               1 full bottle of your favorite whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Take a large bowl.

Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest
quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat 1 cup of softened butter
in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off
the mixer. Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the
cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers,
pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey to check for
tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something.
Who cares?

Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your
nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever
you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget
to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out the window.

Wheck the chiskey again. Go to bed.

Who likes fruitcake anyway?